this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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