I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
