ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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