I am puke
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
