Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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