I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
