I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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