don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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