What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
