census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
