this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
