I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize