We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We're too hungover to prance.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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