I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just want to make out with him forever
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
