Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
