why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
