I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize