She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
