He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
