just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
