i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize