Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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