Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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