Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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