i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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