so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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