I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
