so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
