It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize