Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
