Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
