I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
