Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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