I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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