and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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