he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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