he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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