I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
