just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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