College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
