How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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