Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
