Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
