The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
