I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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