im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
me + whiskey = a bad person
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
