he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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