did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
