i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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