1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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