drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
