My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
