A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
