remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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