you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
