she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
