You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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