Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
