This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize