Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
