In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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