I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
