Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize