I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
