well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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