So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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