Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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