I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
