Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just want nice things and good sex
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
