Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
