It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
